There has been a significant development in my household. My humans are in the market for a new sofa. This is not an entirely unexpected decision. The current sofa has served the kingdom for many years and bears certain historical markings left by the late Lady Snickers, who, as …
Mrs. Cotton and little Miss Dickens
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📝🐱💕Household Policy Update: I Do Not Have a Favourite Human
It has come to my attention that the female human believes I give more attention to the male human. I can see how she has reached this conclusion. She is wrong, obviously, but I can see it. Yes, I sit with the male human rather often. I follow him. I observe him. I occasionally …
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📝🐱🛫 Household Policy Update: Annual Leave Has Limits
I have recently been informed that my humans were on holiday. For three weeks. Three. Entire. Weeks. Apparently, humans are entitled to something called annual leave. This involves packing far too many clothes into suitcases, checking several times whether the doors are locked, …
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📝😿💔 The Circle of Friendship Has Lost a Gentleman
There are days when even a queen has very little to say. Today is one of those days. This afternoon, Zoeff went to sleep for the last time. Zoeff was the cat of the parents of my humans, but that is merely the official family administration version. In my books, he belonged to …
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📝🐱🥣 The Five-Minute Rule for Empty Food Bowls
There appears to be some confusion in my household about the meaning of the word empty. My humans believe a food bowl is empty when there is no food left in it. This is incorrect. A food bowl is empty when I can see the bottom. I appreciate that, from a human perspective, there …
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📝🐱⭐Major Starbert Reports for Duty
This afternoon, a new recruit reported for training. His name is Major Starbert the Starfish, and he comes from the more exotic regions of my kingdom, a mysterious territory beyond the usual sofa, dining chairs and approved sleeping quarters. I understand he has travelled some …
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📝🐱🐮Household Policy Update: The Overnight Delivery
This morning, my male-human woke up to discover Miss Moo Moo Longtail underneath him. He seemed surprised. I was not. Allow me to explain. During the night, I had carried Miss Moo Moo Longtail to him personally. This was not random behaviour. It was a carefully considered …
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📝🐱🐸🐑Household Policy Update: A New Trainee Has Arrived
There comes a moment in every well-run household when one must accept that the training department needs to expand. Apparently, that moment has arrived. I would therefore like to formally introduce Sir Hops-a-Lot Longtail, the newest member of my household training programme. Sir …
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📝🐱⏰The 7:30 Inspection and My Night-Time Duties
This morning, I arrived for inspection at 7:30. Yes, 7:30. My humans had been granted a full extra hour of sleep. I do hope they appreciated it. Such generosity from senior management should never be considered standard procedure. When I finally appeared, I was exceptionally …
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📝🐱🪱Household Policy Update: Treachery by Pipette
Today, I regret to report a serious breach of trust within my household. My humans approached me with suspicious levels of kindness. There was gentle talking, strategic stroking and absolutely no mention whatsoever of medical procedures. Naturally, I assumed they had finally …