My humans have finally paid an official visit to Mila, the newest member of my Circle of Friendship. I would have preferred the introductions to take place when Mila first assumed command of her household in Den Bosch. Unfortunately, I gave my humans a holiday allowance which …
Mrs. Cotton
-
-
📝🐱🕷️ Household Policy Update: The Eight-Legged Visitors
There are several enormous spiders in my house. The female human is frightened of them. The male human has already caught a number and put them outside, only for the palace to reveal further occupants. I can see why she finds this discouraging. His removal service appears to have …
-
📝🐱🔪A Day of Exercise, Enlightenment and Possible Treachery
This morning, I sent the male human out to exercise. He seemed to believe it was his choice, which suggests his training is progressing nicely. Physical fitness is essential to the running of my household. A member of staff must be able to carry supplies, attend promptly when …
-
📝🐱🏰Household Policy Update: Annual Leave Has Been Approved
After a long and demanding first week following their holiday, I decided my humans were beginning to show signs of fatigue. Nothing alarming, obviously. They were still capable of opening doors, preparing meals and responding to basic instructions. But as Head of Household, one …
-
📝🐱😻I Am Not in Love
I need to address a rumour. Apparently, I am in love. This extraordinary conclusion has been reached by my humans because a red gentleman occasionally appears in the garden and, whenever I see him, I hurry to the window, place my paws against the glass and scratch …
-
📝🐱🖐️The Circle Grows Again: Welcome, Mila
There are moments when even a Queen must acknowledge that her kingdom has become a little quieter. After the sad loss of dear Zoeff, my Circle of Friendship felt different. A place remained where a friend had been, and such places are not simply filled by putting another name on …
-
📝🐱🐾The Humans Are Buying a Fabric Sofa. Apparently They Trust Me.
There has been a significant development in my household. My humans are in the market for a new sofa. This is not an entirely unexpected decision. The current sofa has served the kingdom for many years and bears certain historical markings left by the late Lady Snickers, who, as …
-
📝🐱💕Household Policy Update: I Do Not Have a Favourite Human
It has come to my attention that the female human believes I give more attention to the male human. I can see how she has reached this conclusion. She is wrong, obviously, but I can see it. Yes, I sit with the male human rather often. I follow him. I observe him. I occasionally …
-
📝🐱🛫 Household Policy Update: Annual Leave Has Limits
I have recently been informed that my humans were on holiday. For three weeks. Three. Entire. Weeks. Apparently, humans are entitled to something called annual leave. This involves packing far too many clothes into suitcases, checking several times whether the doors are locked, …
-
📝😿💔 The Circle of Friendship Has Lost a Gentleman
There are days when even a queen has very little to say. Today is one of those days. This afternoon, Zoeff went to sleep for the last time. Zoeff was the cat of the parents of my humans, but that is merely the official family administration version. In my books, he belonged to …
-
📝🐱🥣 The Five-Minute Rule for Empty Food Bowls
There appears to be some confusion in my household about the meaning of the word empty. My humans believe a food bowl is empty when there is no food left in it. This is incorrect. A food bowl is empty when I can see the bottom. I appreciate that, from a human perspective, there …
-
📝🐱⭐Major Starbert Reports for Duty
This afternoon, a new recruit reported for training. His name is Major Starbert the Starfish, and he comes from the more exotic regions of my kingdom, a mysterious territory beyond the usual sofa, dining chairs and approved sleeping quarters. I understand he has travelled some …
-
📝🐱🐮Household Policy Update: The Overnight Delivery
This morning, my male-human woke up to discover Miss Moo Moo Longtail underneath him. He seemed surprised. I was not. Allow me to explain. During the night, I had carried Miss Moo Moo Longtail to him personally. This was not random behaviour. It was a carefully considered …
-
📝🐱🐸🐑Household Policy Update: A New Trainee Has Arrived
There comes a moment in every well-run household when one must accept that the training department needs to expand. Apparently, that moment has arrived. I would therefore like to formally introduce Sir Hops-a-Lot Longtail, the newest member of my household training programme. Sir …
-
📝🐱⏰The 7:30 Inspection and My Night-Time Duties
This morning, I arrived for inspection at 7:30. Yes, 7:30. My humans had been granted a full extra hour of sleep. I do hope they appreciated it. Such generosity from senior management should never be considered standard procedure. When I finally appeared, I was exceptionally …
-
📝🐱🪱Household Policy Update: Treachery by Pipette
Today, I regret to report a serious breach of trust within my household. My humans approached me with suspicious levels of kindness. There was gentle talking, strategic stroking and absolutely no mention whatsoever of medical procedures. Naturally, I assumed they had finally …
-
📝🐱🪖A New Recruit in the Ring of Friendship
I have been informed that a new young gentleman has joined my Ring of Friendship. His name is Little Soldier. An excellent name. Especially for a cat who has been appointed to a strong military family and will, no doubt, soon discover that commanding Humans requires discipline, …
-
📝🐱🍬Household Policy Update: An Anniversary of Considerable Importance
Today is an important day in my household. My humans are celebrating their wedding anniversary. Naturally, I have been supervising the occasion. Marriage, after all, is a serious long-term household arrangement involving patience, loyalty, shared furniture and the occasional …
-
📝🐱🐟Household Policy Update: The Open-Door Night Shift
I am pleased to report that the recent decision to leave the doors open at night has been met with my approval. Naturally, I do not sleep in just one place. That would suggest a lack of options, and I have worked far too hard on this household to tolerate such restrictions. Some …
-
📝🐱🎂A Birthday Audience for the Male-Human
Today is a particularly important date in the household calendar: the male-human is celebrating his birthday. Naturally, I have dressed for the occasion in my finest white outfit. It is freshly arranged, beautifully fluffed and, as always, entirely bespoke. Some creatures require …