By the way, there is a beauty nap in progress now. Royal duties have been temporarily suspended while I restore my elegance, recharge my authority and ensure I remain the finest-looking member of this household.
Yours,
Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾
Mrs. Cotton
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📝🐱🩷 By the Way..
When the Northern Family left, I noticed that my female human had a little dampness in her eyes. I also thought I heard her quietly wondering when she would see them again. Humans do become terribly attached to one another. So, by the way, I shall be keeping a closer eye on her …
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📝🐱🍬Lessons from the Nieces of the North
I recently had the great pleasure of meeting family from the North of Norway, including two particularly impressive young ladies whom I shall refer to as the Nieces of the North. They were kind, gentle and clearly well educated in the most important area of household life: …
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📝🇳🇴🐱The Northern Delegation Arrives
Today, my Palace is preparing for a most distinguished visit. The Norwegian Family has arrived in the Netherlands. Not the Norwegian Royal Family, I hasten to add. They may perhaps visit me at a later date, once they have reviewed their household arrangements and ensured that …
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I am often asked why I wear no crown indoors or in official photographs. A true queen does not need one to prove her rank. Besides, crowns are terribly inconvenient during naps.
Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾
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📝🐱The Great Fuss About Fifty
A member of my family has turned fifty. Apparently, this is an Event. There have been discussions, decorations, secret arrangements and a remarkable amount of excitement over a number. My humans keep saying, “You only turn fifty once,” as though they have uncovered a rare …
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📝🐱🪰Why Fly Hunting Is an Essential Royal Duty
Some humans believe that fly hunting is merely a hobby. This is incorrect. Fly hunting is a vital household service, performed by highly trained feline personnel. In my household, that personnel happens to be me. A fly is not simply an insect. It is an uninvited aerial intruder …
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📝🐱A Most Welcome Temperature Adjustment
At last, the temperatures have dropped a little. I have reviewed the situation from several important locations, including the sofa, the windowsill and the exact centre of the hallway, and I can confirm that household conditions are improving. My humans may call it “cooler …
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📝🐱The Melon, the Sunbeams and the Suspicious Painter
Every morning, I begin my duties with a thorough inspection of the kitchen. Some cats rush about demanding breakfast. I prefer to position myself elegantly on the kitchen worktop and allow breakfast negotiations to develop at their own pace. A true ruler never appears desperate. …
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A lovely quiet evening. My humans are in front of the television, while I have claimed the canapé, as is only proper.
The household is calm, the cushions are comfortable, and all royal duties are complete for today.
Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾
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📝🐱The Sofa Armrest Investigation
Yesterday, my household received a specialist visitor. A furniture restorer arrived to inspect the sofa armrest, which bears an important piece of historical artwork created by Snickers. My humans refer to it as “damage”. I prefer the more accurate term: an original mixed-media …
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📝🐱Household Policy Update: The Approved Sleeping Places
There appears to be some confusion in my household regarding sleeping arrangements. My humans seem to believe that I have “a bed”. This is technically correct in the same way that Buckingham Palace technically has “a chair”. One does not restrict oneself unnecessarily. As head of …
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📝🐱A Thought from the Throne
My humans often ask why I stare at them from across the room. I am not staring. I am conducting a performance review. So far, there is room for improvement, particularly in the areas of snack distribution, door-opening speed and respect for occupied chairs. Still, I remain …
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📝🐱The Royal Soup Signal
My humans have recently noticed that, when I am presented with a deliciously cold soup during warm weather, my tail begins to tick and pulse. They appear to find this mysterious. It is not mysterious. It is communication. A rapidly trembling tail would suggest excessive …
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📝🐱The Importance of Midnight Zoomies for Fitness and Morale
There comes a moment in every well-managed household when the lights are low, the humans are settled, and peace appears to have been declared. This is, naturally, the ideal time for high-speed operations. My midnight zoomies are not random. They are a carefully structured …
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📝🐱Household Policy Update: Touching Is a Privilege, Not a Subscription
I feel it is time to address a matter which continues to confuse my humans. Apparently, they have noticed that when my food is being served, I am perfectly happy to be picked up, stroked, cuddled and generally admired at close range. Quite right too. At mealtimes, I am operating …
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📝🐱A Gentle Reminder from Management
The temperature is rising. I was promised air conditioning. My humans are therefore kindly requested to stop discussing, comparing and “looking into options”, and proceed directly to installation. I am a white indoor cat. I do not intend to spend the summer slowly roasting in my …
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📝🐱Settling In Nicely, Thank You Very Much
On 11 March, I was collected from the shelter and brought to what my humans rather casually call “home”. I prefer to think of it as my new location. Naturally, one does not simply move into a property without carrying out a full inspection. There are standards to maintain, …
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📝🐱A Brief Household Announcement
I would like to confirm that everything in this house remains under control. Naturally, my humans believe they are making decisions, organising furniture and planning their day. I find this adorable. For efficiency, I simply sit in the middle of whatever they are doing and …
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📝🐱The Exterior Decorator Requires Close Supervision
Today, my humans witnessed what they have rather foolishly described as “me getting on very well with the exterior painter”. I must correct the record. There was no affection involved. Yes, I gave him several head bumps. This was not cuddling. It was a professional identification …