Apparently, I make a tiny little meow when one of my humans enters the room. A “mini-meow”, they call it. They seem to think I am behaving like a receptionist. I beg your pardon. I am not sitting here waiting to say, “Good afternoon, welcome back, do you have an appointment?” I …
Mrs. Cotton and little Miss Dickens
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📝🐱The Pork-Tail Protocol - Why the Curl Means the Staff May Remain. For Now.
There are, in every well-run household, certain signals from senior management that must be understood without the need for a formal memorandum. Mine is the Pork Tail. This occurs when one of my humans applies a satisfactory degree of scratching to my lower back, just above the …
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📝🐱Household Policy Update: The Post-Dinner Dash Is Not Madness, It Is Procedure
Every now and then, my humans witness one of my finest administrative manoeuvres: I finish a respectable meal, wash precisely one paw for dramatic effect, stare briefly into the middle distance, and then sprint through the house as if the curtains have caught fire and I am the …
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One human has gone to an amusement park. The other is behind a laptop, doing what appears to be nothing at all. I, meanwhile, am gracefully touched by golden sunbeams on the windowsill. At least one member of this household understands how to spend a day properly.
Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾
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📝🐱Household Policy Update: Cleaning Must Not Interrupt Royal Operations
There are certain truths in life which even the most stubborn human should have mastered by now. The sun rises. Bowls must be filled. Cushions are not for sitting on but for careful occupation. And cleaning, while occasionally necessary for the maintenance of my kingdom, must …
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📝🐱Household Policy Update: The Difference Between “My Basket” and “Anything I Happen to Be Lying On”
There appears to be some confusion in my household. Not from me, obviously. I understand the property laws perfectly. They are elegant, practical and based on several centuries of feline common sense. My humans, however, continue to believe that “my basket” refers to the thick, …
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📝🐱 The Nespresso Protocol
There has been some loose talk in my household about a “Pavlov reaction”. I should like to make it perfectly clear, before this rumour grows legs and starts shedding on the furniture, that I do not do dog behaviour. I am Mrs. Cotton. I am a white indoor cat, sole child of the …
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📝🐱 It wasn't me
There comes a time in every respectable household when one must address matters of upholstery, legacy, and completely unfair accusations. I am, of course, speaking of the armrest of the sofa. Now, I have been informed, by the usual unreliable human sources, that this particular …
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📝🐱Mrs. Cotton Reports: The Weather Has Finally Remembered Its Manners
At long last, the temperatures have dropped. I do not wish to sound dramatic, but the recent heat was very much not approved by Management. And by Management, I obviously mean me: Mrs. Cotton, official household supervisor, window inspector, sofa commander, and full-time ruler of …
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📝🐱 The Royal Archives of Mrs. Cotton
Due to the rather dramatic heat this week, I decided it was best to conserve energy and conduct important indoor research from a horizontal position. Naturally, this meant going through the humans’ photographs. At first, I assumed the entire archive would be about me. A …