On 11 March, I was collected from the shelter and brought to what my humans rather casually call “home”.

I prefer to think of it as my new location.

Naturally, one does not simply move into a property without carrying out a full inspection. There are standards to maintain, comfort levels to assess, staff to observe and, most importantly, several highly suspicious corners that require immediate investigation.

I am pleased to report that I have settled in extremely well.

The location is acceptable.

More than acceptable, actually.

The humans are also beginning to settle in nicely.

They do try.

I can see that.

There are plenty of toys, which suggests that someone has at least attempted to prepare for my arrival. Mice, balls, dangling things, rolling things and various brightly coloured objects apparently designed by committees who have never actually met a cat.

And yet, after careful testing by senior management, my favourite toy is…

a simple ping-pong ball.

Of course it is.

It rolls beautifully, changes direction without warning, disappears under furniture and creates exactly the right amount of household disruption. A highly sophisticated piece of equipment, despite what the humans may think.

I have also explored the entire house.

Thoroughly.

Professionally.

Room by room.

This includes the bedroom, where I am apparently “not allowed”.

An interesting policy.

I reviewed it personally.

Several times.

I remain unconvinced.

Still, my humans are new to this arrangement and require continuing education points. One cannot expect perfection immediately.

There is, however, one unresolved matter.

I have been informed that the house also has an attic.

And indeed, there is one door that has remained firmly closed since my arrival.

One door.

Always closed.

Naturally, I have noticed.

I notice everything.

What is behind it? Boxes? Dust? Ancient treasures? Secret emergency supplies of cat food? A second, even better household?

At present, I cannot say.

But I have only lived here since 11 March.

There is time.

The location is good.

The humans are trying.

The ping-pong ball is excellent.

And the closed door?

Well.

Every kingdom has one mystery.

For now.

Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾