Yesterday, my household received a specialist visitor.

A furniture restorer arrived to inspect the sofa armrest, which bears an important piece of historical artwork created by Snickers. My humans refer to it as “damage”. I prefer the more accurate term: an original mixed-media installation exploring texture, ownership and feline determination.

Snickers, a distinguished grey tabby who ruled this household for eighteen and a half years, clearly believed that an ordinary sofa required artistic direction. She therefore devoted herself to improving one particular armrest, thread by thread, with the patience of a master craftswoman.

The restorer examined her work very carefully.

He looked at it from several angles. He touched the fabric. He considered the structure beneath it. My humans stood nearby with the solemn expressions usually reserved for museum curators discussing the restoration of a national treasure.

I supervised from a suitable distance.

Naturally, I was interested in the professional assessment. Not because I have ever scratched a sofa myself, of course. I merely believe that a responsible head of household should understand all aspects of furniture conservation.

The restorer explained what could be repaired, replaced and strengthened. My humans listened attentively, although I noticed that nobody asked the most important question: how much of Snickers’ original artistic vision should remain visible for future generations?

Restoration is a delicate matter. Remove too much and you erase history. Remove too little and visitors may continue to ask whether the sofa was attacked by a very small, highly focused tiger.

I believe a tasteful compromise is required.

The armrest should be made comfortable and respectable again, while retaining perhaps one tiny thread as a memorial to Snickers and her uncompromising approach to interior design.

As for me, I remain entirely innocent in all furniture-related matters. Any marks discovered during future inspections will require a separate investigation, proper documentation and considerably more evidence.

Until then, I shall continue my duties as guardian of the sofa.

From the softest cushion, naturally.

Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾