Today, my humans witnessed what they have rather foolishly described as “me getting on very well with the exterior painter”.

I must correct the record.

There was no affection involved.

Yes, I gave him several head bumps. This was not cuddling. It was a professional identification procedure. A contractor entering my estate must, naturally, be marked with the official household scent before being permitted to continue his duties.

Yes, I also ran past him at considerable speed.

Again, this has been misunderstood.

I was conducting a series of rapid-response perimeter checks, designed to assess his reflexes, general awareness and ability to remain calm when senior management suddenly appears at ankle height.

He performed reasonably well.

I may also have passed him several times for no obvious reason. There was, of course, an obvious reason. I was monitoring workflow, inspecting access routes and making certain he understood that although my humans may have hired him, he was working on my building.

At one point, I believe he may even have thought I liked him.

Charming.

I do not “like” contractors. I evaluate them.

Still, he has shown promise. He appears polite, accepts surprise inspections without complaint and has so far resisted the human tendency to interfere with my movements.

Therefore, I have granted him temporary status as an Approved Exterior Maintenance Person, Second Class.

Further head bumps may occur.

Strictly for administrative purposes.

Yours, Mrs. Cotton 🐱🐾